guest blog :: marilyn o'hearne

Courage and Love at Work and in Life

Marilyn O'Hearne MSW, MCC, LLC; Master Certified Coach, International Coach Federation

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It takes courage:

To fight for your beliefs and values, for freedom
(we celebrate Independence Day in the US, July 4)

To say goodbye, whether through a move, death, divorce, career change, etc.

To say hello to new opportunities, relationships

To love (Yes, including professionally!)

Books like Jack Mitchell’s Hug Your Customer; Hug Your People; Benefiel’s Soul at Work;The Soul of a Leader; Parker Palmer’s A Hidden Wholeness; and Stanley Herman’s The Tao at Work point to the benefits of putting love into action in the workplace. “’Hugging’ is Jack’s metaphor for bringing humanity back into the workplace… by getting to know, pay attention to and being curious about those we do business with by taking the time to learn what matters to them.” And, I add, to act based on what you learn matters to them. Benefits include decreased turnover and increased engagement of staff and customers.

The wedding ceremony I attended a week ago celebrated the couple’s courage to begin a committed love life together. The ceremony included the commitment of caring for each other in sickness and in health; of loving the other (“learning what matters to them” and acting on that) even when it is inconvenient, and not always knowing what to expect. That takes courage!

Later in the week I witnessed that love and courage in action at a celebration of life for a friend who is in the last phase of their earthly journey, with their spouse at their side. All of this while saying goodbye to my friends and family, home, and my customary way of life, to set out on a three month Asia Pacific journey, not fully knowing what to expect. An emotional week!

This photo is of my daughter Amelia and I in front of a statue of a lion, a symbol of courage, at the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art. Our native Kansas is globally known for the Wizard of Oz. The Lion in that story sets off on the yellow brick road with his companions and discovers the courage within him, as he seeks to lovingly protect his companions on their journey. (notice the love images in the photo as well!)

Courage is not the absence of fear, which the lion first believes, but acting in the face of fear. In coaching we see the greatest obstacle to progress is fear. We choose whether to be frozen by fear or courageously move forward. Partnering with a loving coach makes moving past the fear easier! (Coaching calls it “unconditional positive regard”)

My intention for this three month Asia Pacific journey: to step out in faith with courage and love, including in my speaking engagements.

How are you choosing to live a life of love and courage-in the workplace and in life?

If you missed the backstory of this untethering journey in the previous blogs or want to apply the lessons I learned on my journey and beyond, I invite you to read more at:  www.marilynoh.com/blog

The Midwest Book Review of “One Hundred Hearts”

Critique: Impressively written, deftly organized and presented, “One Hundred Hearts: Inspiring Stories from the Women who Lived Them” is a thoroughly absorbing read from beginning to end—and one that is both inspired and inspiring. Very highly recommended for both community and academic library Women’s Studies collections, it should be noted that “One Hundred Hearts” is also available in a Kindle edition ($4.99).

Synopsis: At least one point in your life you’ve probably faced adversity that made you question your ability to go on. But you did go on, and since then: How would you define courage? Was there a defining moment that made you who you are today? What do you want other women to know? “One Hundred Hearts: Inspiring Stories from the Women who Lived Them” shares the deeply introspective responses to these and other questions answered by one hundred women. Through their answers, stories of ordinary women and their extraordinary courage come to life. You’ll laugh with them, cry with them, and see yourself in their journeys. Individually, the women you meet in “One Hundred Hearts” display incredible courage. Collectively, they inspire you to appreciate the courage you demonstrate in your own life on a daily basis.

View it online here >>

be true

Have you ever heard the statement,
“Be Kind. Be Wise. Be True"?

The words "kind" and "wise" are clear and easy to define. But the word "true", now that’s where it gets a little blurry. We know the dictionary definition of true means; to be in accordance with fact or reality; accurate or exact. However to ‘be true to yourself’ is often subjective as it applies to each and every one of us differently.

Many of us have heard people tell us from a young age, “Be true to yourself.” But what does that piece of advice really mean? What is it to be true?

When you stop and think about it, our life is full of moments that depend on our ability to connect with our true self. But how do we connect with what that is?

Have you ever had that little voice inside trying to tell you what you should do, but you tend to brush it to the side or ignore it and follow the crowd – only to end up feeling terrible later, wishing you had listened to that little voice? When everyone is zigging and you feel compelled to zag, that is your true self, stomping its feet and waving its hands in the air, saying, hey, listen to me!  And those times you stop to listen are the times you are usually glad you did.

It takes courage to be true to yourself. Many times it requires big change, or taking a big risk. It’s a lot easier to rationalize why you shouldn’t do something than it is to take that leap of faith and follow your gut feelings. You can tell yourself that not following your dreams or being true to yourself isn’t sensible and put it off. You can say that you have other priorities that trump your ability to be true to yourself. But by doing this, you are only stifling your ability to grow into the person you were meant to be. Be true to yourself no matter what, even if it’s not right for someone else. The only one it needs to be right for is you.

No matter how scary or uncomfortable it might feel, you have to rely on your ‘gut feelings’ to determine what is right.  Being honest and true to yourself can be scary and uncomfortable and takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage.

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Here are 5 things you can do to help you BE TRUE TO YOU.
 

1. Write a list of your obligations. Your only obligation of a lifetime is to be true to yourself. If you’re not at the top of your obligation list, put yourself there with a bold marker.

2. Take a look at the people you surround yourself with, friends, family, coworkers - If you’re being true to yourself and it isn’t enough for the people around you, change the people around you.

3. Write down the things you consider obstacles in your life. Ask yourself what the truth is about those obstacles. Are they real obstacles or obstacles you created?

4. What are your self-limiting thoughts?  Ask yourself why you do what you do.

5. Develop your own personal sense of ethics, and then stick to them no matter what others think or try to force you to do.

Acknowledge that what it means to honor your true self at this point in time may not be what it was yesterday and what it may be tomorrow. Give yourself permission to stick to your core values without limiting the ability to change and grow over time. It takes courage to be true to yourself. It is being brave enough to live life on your terms – a place nobody else has ever been. You will discover yourself when you decide to push beyond your comfort zone and become the person you were always meant to be.
 

new year, new story

Today is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.

Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some happy and some very exciting. But, if you never turn the page, you’ll never know what the next chapter holds.

Our lives are like a novel, with a beginning, chapters and a conclusion. We are the authors of our being and create the story we choose to live. Undoubtedly, that story will be filled with an exciting plot and a whole host of interesting chapters. At times, our plot shifts, ebbs and flows. There are peaks to climb and valleys to explore, and not all are amenable, all of the time. It is the perspective we choose to look upon those daunting chapters with that emblazon the story upon our minds.

If you look at your life with the realization that you are the author of your own story, what is the title of your book? What chapter are you living now? What chapter do you want to write for 2016? Develop a clear picture of your intentions for the upcoming year. Write them out as if they have already happened, just like a documentary. This is your life story. Set those intentions, throw them out to the Universe and watch them manifest.

Have fun thinking about your next chapter. Write the outline with your intentions and get clear on the picture you want to create. Feel it, experience it, and visualize it!

We cannot control everything in life, but we can control our thoughts, beliefs and emotions. You can choose to edit and re-write your previous chapters and create new ones. Prepare to get down and dirty. This is hard, but gratifying work. It takes focus, awareness and persistence to re-train your brain and physically change the make-up of the neurons that control your thoughts, emotions and ultimately your beliefs about yourself and life.

Embark on the challenge to experience this work with all of your being; to create miracles and magic. I have seen this happen to many people and have seen it work in my own life. It begins by asking the question, “Is it possible?” and watching this question evolve to, “Yes, it is possible,” and “Yes, it is happening!”

Take actor Michael J. Fox for example. Michael knew he wanted to be an actor from a very young age. Since his early teenage years, he showed a love for the creative side of life by drawing pictures, writing stories, playing the guitar and performing in drama and theater arts. At the age of 16, he was already making $600 a week for acting in a Canadian sitcom. This didn’t come easy. It came because he was dedicated and steadfast. He kept throwing spaghetti on the wall and his hard work made it stick.

In Michael’s twenties, he moved from Vancouver, British Columbia to Los Angeles. He found himself broke and unable to pay his rent or buy food to eat. Michael’s family and friends wanted him to move back to Canada and get another job. He refused to go home because he knew in his heart he could be the successful actor he was meant to be. And we all know where that led! What would we do had Alex P. Keaton, Marty McFly and a host of other characters played by Michael, not graced our movie and television screens?

But Michael’s story hasn’t only been filled with chapters of joy and success. As many are aware, in 1991, he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. In true Michael fashion, rather than giving up and settling into the negative chapter of his life story, he spun it into something positive and inspiring. Michael uses his celebrity to create awareness and fund research in order to find a cure for Parkinson’s Disease. He has chosen to rewrite his story. When he was facing his bleakest chapter, he chose to persevere and find the light in the darkness.

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“I see possibilities in everything. For everything that’s taken away, something of greater value has been given,” says Michael.

So, is it possible – Heck Yes, IT’S POSSIBLE!

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You are more courageous, powerful and able than you think. We only use one third of our capabilities because we have been programmed to think we are only capable of doing, being or creating what we were told or witnessed out in the world. Why aren’t we as bright and brilliant as we have the ability to be? Could it have been because the people in our lives did not understand or support us? It doesn’t matter because it is your story to live, not theirs.

•  My wish for you is that this year and every after be as bright and beautiful
    as you imagine it could be.
•  Believe it can happen and that you deserve it   
•  Be aware of your thoughts. Challenge those thoughts that are habits and not true
•  Be Persistent - Giving up on your dreams is not an option
•  Be able to let go of what doesn’t serve you in a positive manner
•  Be your best and most authentic self every day in every single part of yourlife

With love, light, joy and miracles for 2016,
Terry  

deseret news book review

Essays in 'One Hundred Hearts' inspire, embolden

By Jennifer Ball For the Deseret News
Published: Saturday, Dec. 5 2015 2:45 p.m. MST

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"ONE HUNDRED HEARTS," by Terry Sidford, Balboa Press, $13.99, 172 pages

"One Hundred Hearts" is a collection of stories about women who have found courage in the most difficult circumstances. Compiled from the answers 100 women shared in a survey about their histories, the stories tell of those who have faced death, loss, abuse and other misfortunes, and how they gained the resolve to push through life's difficulties and not give in to woe.

The highlighted women are remarkable because of the uniqueness of their trials. The greatest feat of "One Hundred Hearts" is that their stories feel entirely relatable and can strike a chord with nearly any reader.

Getting the most out of a gut-wrenching story without milking the drama is a difficult balance to strike, and Utah author Terry Sidford has mastered it by telling each tale very simply and allowing the audience to project their memories, emotions and experiences upon the framework of words. She leaves her commentary until the end, wisely allowing the stories to speak for themselves.

The result is one personally inspiring and deeply touching chapter after the next, and while each is heartbreaking, the resulting catharsis has the pages practically turning themselves.

"One Hundred Hearts" is a must-read for anyone experiencing deep suffering, grief or confusion, or who has lived through periods of darkness — it is a book for everyone.

There is moderate, infrequent swearing and a chapter with disturbing scenes of domestic violence.

Read it online >>

be aligned

So…you’ve been working diligently to become clear on just who you are, what you want, and what your life purpose is. You have been on a mission to reflect and rejuvenate your day-to-day day presence. But how do you begin to organize all of this hard work in order to achieve your goals? It all begins with the word “alignment;” and of course having a little faith that if you ask the universe for help, it will listen.

The Universe exists and operates by vibration. As with everything, these vibrational frequencies directly affect your state of mind and your state of being.

Have you ever been to a dance club or party where the music is so loud you feel it? I don’t mean just the beat in your head. Sometimes you can literally feel the vibrations of the music in the floor or other objects. Sometimes you even go home, lay your head on your pillow, and still feel the vibrations of the music. Vibrations are oscillating motions around a fixed position. Believe it or not, even a rock vibrates.

Every time we experience a thought, positive or negative, we are sending an oscillating vibration into the Universe. The point being, choose the tone of your “ask” to the Universe wisely.

Be aware of your thoughts. They create your reality. If you find yourself thinking about how much you hate your job or an upcoming task, the Universe hears you. If you routinely second-guess your talents and abilities, the Universe hears you loud and clear. When your thoughts are consumed with negative and limiting beliefs, there is no need for goals and dreams. That doesn’t sound very pleasant now, does it?

Conversely, when you align yourself with positive intentions and begin following a confident, decisive path, you will get massive amounts of support and help from the Universe. Think in a manner that enables the Universe to conspire to help you achieve what you desire.

Learn to be accountable for your actions, but at the same time, still be kind to yourself. Often, it is difficult to own certain life scenarios with grace, but once we own our actions and make a point to do so, we can move forward, dismiss the need to control certain situations and fully trust in the Universe. Keep a constant and steady dialogue with the Universe and learn to focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

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Here are 5 steps designed to help you Be Aligned:
 

1. Get clear and set your intention on the passions, values and life purpose you have worked hard to define (If you haven’t defined those important components yet, let’s get to work!)

2.  Be open to the possibility that the Universe will support you when aligned with who you are.

3. Be aware of your thoughts and realize that they create your reality.

4. When faced with a choice, a tough decision or opportunity, choose in favor of your passions and values.

5. Remember that who you are being is more important than what you are doing.

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We hope you enjoyed Be Aligned, the third in a series of blog posts that focus on enhancing one’s life purpose, goals and the ability to take positive action. Stay tuned for Terry’s next installment, Be True.
 

be purposeful - action expresses priority

Have you ever looked at, or watched someone else at work and thought, “Wow, that person has really found their purpose in life. They are doing just what they were meant to do.”

Although elated for them, perhaps thoughts washed over you such as, “I wish I could find my purpose in life? How do I figure out what I was truly meant to do? What is the best course of action for me?”

When I think about finding purpose, I think about an expression we’ve probably all heard numerous times throughout our lives; from parents, teachers and mentors.

Actions speak louder than words.

Mahatma Gandhi, in his eloquent fashion said the same expression this way:

“Action expresses priority.”

Simply put, when we look at what we do in relation to the activities and circumstances in our lives, the action we take, often expresses what we put at the top of our list. But, how do we even begin to define that list? How do we reset, focus and follow our passion and life purpose, no matter what?

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Here are 5 steps designed to help you begin to create your life purpose and follow it passionately:

• Take a look at your day. Be aware of where your action lies. Your action could be in a lot of different places. The gym? The office? The phone? Family? The computer? The television?

• People tend to act upon those things that have meaning to them. The more urgent a particular cause is to you, the more likely you are to act upon it, and with an equal vehemence. You might think your priorities are in one space and your action is in another. But take time and listen, actions speak louder than words.

• Write down the things that are most important to you and then rank them by order of importance. These things that matter most to you are most likely your passions and clues to your life purpose. They act as an “inner GPS” for the decisions you make in your life.

• Look at your list and determine what thing is the most important to you. These things are your passions and the breadcrumbs that lead you to your life purpose. If you made decisions and choices around these passions and found and started living your life purpose how would it help others?

• Write down any false beliefs, concepts or ideas that may be holding you back from moving in the direction of your passions. Take a mental note of this list, crinkle it up and toss it in the circular file. You are all about forward momentum now!!!

Scott Dinsmore Founder & Chief Experimenter at Live Your Legend said,

“The intersection of your true values and super powers, backed with relentless passion, is where the magic happens.”

Here’s to us all finding our superpowers.

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If you are interested in taking the Passion Test to help clarify your top 5 passions contact Terry today at terrysidford@createyourlifecoaching.net

We hope you enjoyed Be Purposeful, the second in a series of blog posts that focus on enhancing one’s life purpose, goals and the ability to take positive action. Stay tuned for Terry’s next installment, Be Aligned.

dec 19 / barnes & noble book signing / midvale, utah

dec 12 / dolly's book signing / park city utah

terry's interview on PCTV's Mountain Morning Show!

Listen here:  http://bit.ly/1Ha1MHw